Tips for a long lasting marriage.

Today my husband and I celebrate 16 year of marriage! We started dating 17 years ago on Valentines Day, and we got married a year later.

Here is what I’ve learned from being married for 16 years.

I’ve learned that communication is key, as long as honesty. They go hand and hand. I know this is cliche, but it is true.

For example, if something is bothering me I tell him. If something he does makes me angry I tell him, and we work it out. I tell him exactly how I am feeling.

As a women I can tell if something is bothering him. I forced it out of him! Then we talk.

In the beginning years of our marriage we would argue a lot, we still do but not much. We have had rough patches, but all couples do.

Men and women are so different as well. I feel like I have learned this well through out the years. Women like to talk about how they are feeling, and men do not like to express emotions, or we have to help them express their emotions. It’s communication.

I’ve read the book “The Five Love Languages”, by Gary Chapman. This book helped a little, my husband and I have different love languages but it helps you express love how your partner hears love the best.

Another thing, women like to talk about how they are feeling, and just talk. Men just like to fix everything. I just tell my husband to listen, I’m “venting”.

Not everyone is the same. I get that. These are my experiences.

We feel like a settled down old couple. We can predict what each other will do next. I know what he is going to do and say. We are comfortable, happy, and settled down.

Here is a picture of our big day:

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This is my Dad walking me down the isle:

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I was only 21.

 

Reflecting on the past decade, how much have I changed?

A decade ago I was 27 years old. I had a 4 year old and a 2 year old. I was a living a sweet life as a stay at home Mom, and a housewife. I spent my days spending all my time with my family. I would take my babies to the zoo, children’s museum, the park, the library, you name it. I was immensely blessed to be able to do this. They had plenty opportunity to develop and learn. I read to them at night. I miss this. I would work out 5 days a week, eat healthy, and was in tip top shape. Now I do not have time for this!

Now I have a soon to be 14 year old, and an 11 year old. I am working full time, in assisted living as a caregiver. I’m almost done with debt consolidation.

I am learning how to raise a preteen and a teenager, (daughters’). They are very intelligent and strong willed. They need to have a lot of freedom and choice, and keep busy. They are just like me.
This decade, by being a working Mom, and especially as a caregiver, I have grown so much.

I have learned to be more assertive, and not let people walk all over me. My social skills have defiantly improved. I have learned a lot about life by taking care of other people when they are in their last moments of life. I have learned how to deal with grief as well.
I have learned as a working Mom, how to detach from my job, and spend time with my kids. This is not easy. I have learned how to balance married, kids, and work.

I have learned how to take care of my health. I am around sick people all the time! I learned to eat healthy, exercise, and take supplements. I’ve had pneumonia twice since I have been a caregiver. I am sure my immune system is super strong, because I am around sick people constantly. At work, and sometimes my kids bring home sickness as well.

I have learned how to better manager my asthma by exercise like jogging, hiking and swimming to keep my lungs strong, and to remember to take my inhaler before exercise.

I have grown in my marriage. I now understand my husband, who he is and why he does what he does. I can predict what he will say and do usually. We’ve been together for a long time. We know how to communicate and work our problems out.

I have grown in my walk with God. He has seen me through a lot, and has been there for me when I didn’t expect it. He has always provided for me when I didn’t expect His providence.

I have learned how to budget, and not to apply for 10 credit cards and use them all to the max limit. I learned that lesson the hard way! I learned how to frugally shop for clothes and food. I have realized I really need to save for retirement.

I have learned how to manage anxiety and depression. I learned to relax and breathe, and to tell myself that I am OK when I’m having a panic attack. I have learned to get outside in the sun and exercise, and seek social interaction with positive people when I am down, and how to utilize mental help through my health care provider.

I have learned a lot of maintaining cars. Oil changes, alignment, fluid levels, snow tires, and so on.

I am still living in the same house, which was my Grandmother’s house. I am still married to the same man, on Valentines Day, we will be together for 17 years.

I have learned a lot about people, that we all are a lot alike, and go through the same things. I am more open, and not shy, with the right people that is.
I’ve learned to recognize manipulation, and so on.

I am getting older and wiser. I have white hairs now to prove this, as I reach my 40’s. My back hurts bad sometimes as well!!!! 😀

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