A decade ago I was 27 years old. I had a 4 year old and a 2 year old. I was a living a sweet life as a stay at home Mom, and a housewife. I spent my days spending all my time with my family. I would take my babies to the zoo, children’s museum, the park, the library, you name it. I was immensely blessed to be able to do this. They had plenty opportunity to develop and learn. I read to them at night. I miss this. I would work out 5 days a week, eat healthy, and was in tip top shape. Now I do not have time for this!
Now I have a soon to be 14 year old, and an 11 year old. I am working full time, in assisted living as a caregiver. I’m almost done with debt consolidation.
I am learning how to raise a preteen and a teenager, (daughters’). They are very intelligent and strong willed. They need to have a lot of freedom and choice, and keep busy. They are just like me.
This decade, by being a working Mom, and especially as a caregiver, I have grown so much.
I have learned to be more assertive, and not let people walk all over me. My social skills have defiantly improved. I have learned a lot about life by taking care of other people when they are in their last moments of life. I have learned how to deal with grief as well.
I have learned as a working Mom, how to detach from my job, and spend time with my kids. This is not easy. I have learned how to balance married, kids, and work.
I have learned how to take care of my health. I am around sick people all the time! I learned to eat healthy, exercise, and take supplements. I’ve had pneumonia twice since I have been a caregiver. I am sure my immune system is super strong, because I am around sick people constantly. At work, and sometimes my kids bring home sickness as well.
I have learned how to better manager my asthma by exercise like jogging, hiking and swimming to keep my lungs strong, and to remember to take my inhaler before exercise.
I have grown in my marriage. I now understand my husband, who he is and why he does what he does. I can predict what he will say and do usually. We’ve been together for a long time. We know how to communicate and work our problems out.
I have grown in my walk with God. He has seen me through a lot, and has been there for me when I didn’t expect it. He has always provided for me when I didn’t expect His providence.
I have learned how to budget, and not to apply for 10 credit cards and use them all to the max limit. I learned that lesson the hard way! I learned how to frugally shop for clothes and food. I have realized I really need to save for retirement.
I have learned how to manage anxiety and depression. I learned to relax and breathe, and to tell myself that I am OK when I’m having a panic attack. I have learned to get outside in the sun and exercise, and seek social interaction with positive people when I am down, and how to utilize mental help through my health care provider.
I have learned a lot of maintaining cars. Oil changes, alignment, fluid levels, snow tires, and so on.
I am still living in the same house, which was my Grandmother’s house. I am still married to the same man, on Valentines Day, we will be together for 17 years.
I have learned a lot about people, that we all are a lot alike, and go through the same things. I am more open, and not shy, with the right people that is.
I’ve learned to recognize manipulation, and so on.
I am getting older and wiser. I have white hairs now to prove this, as I reach my 40’s. My back hurts bad sometimes as well!!!! 😀
I am one of those people that have to plan everything for the day. For example today I go to work, (as a caregiver) I am going to do x,y,z, and I have these people to shower.
Or today is my day off, this day is my rest day, (which rest is hard to do when you plan everything and feel unproductive when you are resting), and the next day I’ll clean the house, and this day I will spend time with the kids.
I plan everything, and I am afraid of change. I am scared to change jobs, I have been at my job for almost 7 years. Change and unpredictability gives me anxiety.
Planning is a great thing, but probably not to this extend.
This is not how life works, is it?
Change is inevitable, you cannot predict what is going to happen next all the time, can you?
I do this (planning to an extreme extent) out of anxiety. I like to be in my comfort zone, and am scared of something happening that I don’t like. I’m afraid of failure, and afraid if I try something new I won’t be able to do it, this is out of perfection. These behaviors cause anxiety, but I realize this and I can work on it now. This is O.C.D. behavior in me that needs to be rewired in my brain.
I need to let go of this illusion of control that I think I have over life.
No one can control what is going to happen and what other people do.
This world is constantly changing.
I probably do this because I live in a fasted paced city.
I need to let go, and go with the flow. And have confidence in myself.
When I was a young child, I remember not planning, we just go outside and play. Life was an adventure, and everything was new, bright, and fun. We need to remember these days and be more like the young child in us.
A lot of things that we worry about, never happen! We cannot predict what will happen next, in most cases. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Enjoy the little things in life, and focus on the good. You are enough, and you’ve got this.
Inhale the good, exhale the bad. Relax. Enjoy lives unpredictability.