Reflection of 2019. My year recapped.

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OK, I had a rough year, I’m not going to lie. The road was rough and bumpy, but smoothed out and got a whole lot better. Life always has its ups and downs anyway.

My husband and I are going through debt consolidation, due to poor choices when we were younger, so I worked a ton of over time. I wore myself out. It has really paid off literally because we are also out of debt, and on our way to financial freedom!

It was challenging balancing being a Mom, and working a strenuous, physically, and emotionally demanding job. But were almost to the end of this road.

I’m so exhausted, and I missed my kids but I was able to cut one of my days, and only work four days a week.

In the summer I was going to go on vacation with my parents, but I had a panic attack and I didn’t go.

While they were on vacation my Uncle, that I was close to, had a massive heart attack at the age of 63, and was placed on life support until my Aunt could drive out of state to take him off life support. He died instantly. I was crushed and went into a depression.

My adopted cousin, whom I never met came out for a visit. This cheered me up. I went to the doctor and I increased my antidepressant. This has really helped me. My life is improving.

We all die, and reach the end of the road. It is something that is true about life. We cannot hang onto loved ones, we need to let them go. We don’t live forever.

6 months beforehand, my Aunt, my Mom’s wife, was killed by crossing the highway and was hit by a truck, and died instantly, no suffering.

One week before my dear Uncle passed, my other cousins Dad died of a stroke. I grew up with my Aunt and Uncle that passed. They weren’t blood but still.

My blood Uncle, my Dad’s brother, crushed my heart. But it was his time, and there is nothing I can do to go back and change this. I let him go, at the end of the road of his life, and he is in a better place.

Then my Executive Director, who was an outstanding women, passed away young at the age of 36. She was only 9 months younger than me. She has a massive heart and her heart stopped in her sleep.

I was also crushed about this, but tomorrow is never promised.

Now I am on the upside of life, because I am only working 4 days a week. I have quality time with my family, and time for my hobbies. I almost have $32,000 of debt paid off. We will be able to move to a better neighborhood after this.

Life is looking upward, but you never know what tomorrow brings, I will be able to deal with what life throws at me.


21 thoughts on “Reflection of 2019. My year recapped.”

  1. Hang in there, Greet 2020 with a sense of hope yet also be ready for whatever comes your way. As long as we are still here on earth,our work is not done yet. We will go when God deems it to be time already.

  2. It’s great you can see positives through the year as well as the sadness and losses you and your family have experienced. No wonder you are exhausted!
    I often wonder what I prefer- sudden death without warning or opportunity to say goodbye and I love you.
    Or the deaths that are inevitable however let you say goodbye, mend broken connections and apologise and be there as a living support.

    Both deaths – sudden/unexpected or known – are hard to deal with but each have pros/cons. I know that sounds weird.

    When my family members have had long term terminal illnesses I was able to make amends and hold their hand until their last breath which is an incredible honour. I was also able to make peace with the past and forgive and be forgiven for past mistakes. There was time for closure. Yet the pain was intolerable for them sometimes – cruel and unnecessary.

    Unexpected deaths sometimes do not allow for time to make amends or prepare for the inevitable. The benefit for the loved one is (hopefully) the death is sudden and painless for the loved one.

    One thing I know for certain – when a loved one is ripped away out of my life we haven’t had the opportunity for closure and goodbyes. Quite often the choice was there’s as well – so guilt and anguish are present.

    Overall I’m now trying to live life so that I don’t have any regrets with my friends. I’m trying my hardest to live like it’s our last time together and mend rifts as soon as possible.

    I’m hoping your 2020 is better for you – well done re:debt through such a turbulent year!

    1. Yes, this has so taught me not to hold grudges, and get angry at little things, or anything at all. After all we’re all human. My cousin suffered brain cancer, it was awful to see her suffer so bad. I work in health care and in hospice, so it seems better for the patient to go suddenly vs. suffering. But it’s hard on their loved ones.

  3. Sorry for all of your losses this year but you have one healthy and warrior type personality my friend. I have a feeling you are going to be around for a long time and that God will use a strong soul like you to do some seriously great stuff in 2020. Love 💕 Joni

  4. Wow. It’s inspiring, how much you are doing in the middle of all the losses.

    And I thought my year was hard because of a loss and some other struggles.

    I’m too looking ahead and thankful for all that we at my family have accomplished in 2019, despite of how rough it was.

  5. I’m sorry you had so much personal loss in such a short span.

    Long ago I lost a lot of young friends and had to come to terms with the reality of death. I’m okay with human death, to the point it seems callous (it’s not) but animals deaths, even on tv, send me into intense grief.

    I’ve been in a bad state, mentally. Got a scrip for prozac a month ago (not my first time) but haven’t started taking it. I know it will help but, for me, there’s always some weird resistence to taking it.

    I hope 2020 brings you and yours much happiness, health, and prosperity!

  6. May 2020 bring only joy and fulfilment! Yes, you talk the truth about letting go… and I will look at life in that fashion from now on. I hold on to memories that maybe belong in the trash-bin!
    Thanks for following OMBH – I really hope you find a smile or four when you visit!
    Colorado… who knows, maybe our paths may cross one day… my son has said he (they) may want to go to Denver, once they’re married later this year and when his Green Card is approved… who knows?
    Enjoy living life at a better pace – with family and friends and less stress!

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