I am a planner. BIG TIME.
I am one of those people that have to plan everything for the day. For example today I go to work, (as a caregiver) I am going to do x,y,z, and I have these people to shower.
Or today is my day off, this day is my rest day, (which rest is hard to do when you plan everything and feel unproductive when you are resting), and the next day I’ll clean the house, and this day I will spend time with the kids.
I plan everything, and I am afraid of change. I am scared to change jobs, I have been at my job for almost 7 years. Change and unpredictability gives me anxiety.
Planning is a great thing, but probably not to this extend.
This is not how life works, is it?
Change is inevitable, you cannot predict what is going to happen next all the time, can you?
I do this (planning to an extreme extent) out of anxiety. I like to be in my comfort zone, and am scared of something happening that I don’t like. I’m afraid of failure, and afraid if I try something new I won’t be able to do it, this is out of perfection. These behaviors cause anxiety, but I realize this and I can work on it now. This is O.C.D. behavior in me that needs to be rewired in my brain.
I need to let go of this illusion of control that I think I have over life.
No one can control what is going to happen and what other people do.
This world is constantly changing.
I probably do this because I live in a fasted paced city.
I need to let go, and go with the flow. And have confidence in myself.
When I was a young child, I remember not planning, we just go outside and play. Life was an adventure, and everything was new, bright, and fun. We need to remember these days and be more like the young child in us.
Peace, hope, and love.