Today is the last day of this decade.

Goodbye to 2019. We are ushering into 2020. We are in a new decade.

Think back in history to the roaring 20’s. The jazz, nightclubs, and cars. It was the decade where they thought they were getting loose. Economic prosperity until 1929 when the stock crashed and led the new decade into the great depression. It was the end of World War 1, and also prohibition on alcohol also took place.

They were having fun and financially stable, until the great depression.

I picture a night club, and ladies swing dancing with bob cuts. This is not probably accurate, and I probably seen this kind of a scene in a 40’s movie.

My Grandma and Grandpa were born in the late 20’s. My Great Grandparents went through the depression era with a new baby which was my Grandmother. They were business owners and my Great Grandpa was resilient, and created his own electric company.

Time has changed immensely since the 1920’s. We live in a whole different world with technology, school shootings, airplanes, you can order groceries, or almost anything online. It is not as safe to have your children play on the streets.

I wonder what this decade will bring? Change is constant, and somethings remain the same.

We are going to have advances in robots. Will robots take over humans? Will they take our jobs? I am old fashioned. I like communication with people by talking in person, and even writing letters.

Also advances in science to cure disease like Alzheimers, and cancer possibly. I work with a young man whose Dad is a geneticist. Stem cell research will advance.

Cars will be able to drive themselves. That is kinda boring. I would rather do it myself. This makes us lazier? Is it safer this way?

Computer will have processing power of a human brain.

They are talking about putting chips in the brain to stimulate neural activity. I’m not down for that.

What do you think this decade will bring? What advances do you think will happen?

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Book Review “The Bean Trees” by Barbara Kingsolver

I just finished the book “The Bean Trees” by Barbara Kingsolver.

This book is touching, and adventurous. I highly recommend it.

It is about a young lady growing up in slow paced, behind the times, in rural Kentucky. This book took places in late 70’s to early 80’s, but when Marietta was in Kentucky is sounded like 40’s and 50’s.

Marietta Greer is a strong willed teenager in high school, who was determined to not get pregnant while in school, like many of her classmates.

She got a job in the local hospital by her teacher. She was in a sense made for more than what rural Kentucky has for her, and she was above the times for Kentucky.

When she graduated she got a car, and took off. She decided to go as far west as her car would take her. She changed her name to Taylor Greer.

Her car broke down in Oklahoma in Cherokee land. She was also quarter Cherokee. She went into a bar to get something to eat and some coffee because she was exhausted from driving. There was a older lady with a blanket on her in the car. The older lady followed Taylor out to the bar and when Taylor got into her car, the older lady sat in her passengers seat and revealed that she has a three year old child under her blanket. The older lady told Taylor to take the child, because it was her dead sisters child.

She didn’t know what to do with this little girl. She was petrified, she didn’t know what to do with this little girl.

She stayed in a hotel, and worked to earn her stay, she has an agreement with the two lady’s that owned the hotel. She gave the three year old “Turtle” is what she named her, a bath and realized that she sexually abuse.

Taylor got her car fixed and drove off. She ended up in Tucson, Arizona. She met a lady who had an alignment shop. She was a very nice, welcoming older lady. She fed Turtle and very good with kids.

Turtle didn’t speak and just stared off into the distance, she was traumatized but later on she would come out of her shell and start talking and being social.

She finds a room mate Lou Ann. Lou Ann’s husband has just left her with an infant son. Lou Ann is always from Kentucky. They get a long very well.

Taylor gets a job at the tire store, where she first broke down. She meets Esperanza and Estevan whom are in America to escape the Central America’s government whom took their daughter away from them, who Turtle resembles.

Taylor had a run in with the social worker, and she was going to get Turtle taken away from her so she, being the strong will that she is, drove to Cherokee Nation with Turtle, Esperanza and Estevan. She was going to get adoption papers and take Esperanza and Estevan to a safe house at a church for immigrants.

So they drive to Oklahoma, and they take a one day vacation. Then they go to the notary, to get adoption papers. This wasn’t easy to do, she was nervous, and the odds of her getting custody of Turtle.

Taylor, being intelligent and witty comes up with a plan. She told Esperanza and Estevan to dress poorly to pretend that Turtle was their child, and that they cannot care for her and were too poor to feed her. They play it off very well and she gets her custody papers!!!!

This was very suspenseful, full of adventure and touching.

Turtle was obsessed with plants and gardening. Her first word was beans. Bean trees is another word for a Wisteria plant, and symbolized that it can grow regardless of what it has been through.




The DL on pregnancy tests.

I have taken many, many pregnancy tests throughout the years. Mainly because I am paranoid about getting pregnant again. Or maybe because I want another one, and it would be fascinating to see that second line turn pink. I have two daughter and one miscarriage, and so I have seen that second line come through. I would keep taking the tests when I found out I was pregnant. It’s fascinating to me.

So here is what I have learned. I recommend pink dye for pregnancy tests always. Blue dye gives false positives, however with my second daughter I used a blue dye test,  with the cross that shows up if it’s positive and it that is how I found out I was having her.

With my second daughter, my husband and I were trying to conceive. I used an ovulation calendar app. with her, and I got pregnant. I was feel very fatigued, emotional, and certain smells grossed me out. At three weeks pregnant I took a first response  and it came back positive. It took five minuets to come back positive. First response is my #1 go to, and I highly recommend first response. It can detect HCG 6 weeks before your expected period.

If you are on a budget, you can use a test from the dollar tree, as long as it has blue dye, when your period is expected, and that will work just as well. Make sure you follow the directions precisely, do not add too much or too little pee, so that you do not get a false positive.

I do not like the digital ones because even in early pregnancy the line will show up very faintly. If there is a visible line in the pregnancy window with ink, you are pregnancy, congratulations! But always check again in case it is a vapor line, (which is a line with no color), or it is just too early to tell. I don’t know how well the digis  detect the pregnancy hormone early into pregnancy, because I always want to know right away. I’m very impatient.

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Reflection of 2019. My year recapped.

OK, I had a rough year, I’m not going to lie. The road was rough and bumpy, but smoothed out and got a whole lot better. Life always has its ups and downs anyway.

My husband and I are going through debt consolidation, due to poor choices when we were younger, so I worked a ton of over time. I wore myself out. It has really paid off literally because we are also out of debt, and on our way to financial freedom!

It was challenging balancing being a Mom, and working a strenuous, physically, and emotionally demanding job. But were almost to the end of this road.

I’m so exhausted, and I missed my kids but I was able to cut one of my days, and only work four days a week.

In the summer I was going to go on vacation with my parents, but I had a panic attack and I didn’t go.

While they were on vacation my Uncle, that I was close to, had a massive heart attack at the age of 63, and was placed on life support until my Aunt could drive out of state to take him off life support. He died instantly. I was crushed and went into a depression.

My adopted cousin, whom I never met came out for a visit. This cheered me up. I went to the doctor and I increased my antidepressant. This has really helped me. My life is improving.

We all die, and reach the end of the road. It is something that is true about life. We cannot hang onto loved ones, we need to let them go. We don’t live forever.

6 months beforehand, my Aunt, my Mom’s wife, was killed by crossing the highway and was hit by a truck, and died instantly, no suffering.

One week before my dear Uncle passed, my other cousins Dad died of a stroke. I grew up with my Aunt and Uncle that passed. They weren’t blood but still.

My blood Uncle, my Dad’s brother, crushed my heart. But it was his time, and there is nothing I can do to go back and change this. I let him go, at the end of the road of his life, and he is in a better place.

Then my Executive Director, who was an outstanding women, passed away young at the age of 36. She was only 9 months younger than me. She has a massive heart and her heart stopped in her sleep.

I was also crushed about this, but tomorrow is never promised.

Now I am on the upside of life, because I am only working 4 days a week. I have quality time with my family, and time for my hobbies. I almost have $32,000 of debt paid off. We will be able to move to a better neighborhood after this.

Life is looking upward, but you never know what tomorrow brings, I will be able to deal with what life throws at me.


“The greatest prison that people live in is the fear of what other people think” -David Icke

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” — Harvey Fierstein

I remember a time in my life where I was going through a season of depression. A good family friend of mine told me “not to care what others think”. This was so freeing to me. What good advice my friend.

Which brings me to another quote: “The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think”. David Icke.

Never be afraid of what people think and do not it let you keep you from being yourself.

Never be quiet because someone is criticizing you and bringing you down. Do not apologize for your existence.

Do not let others intimidate you. You have a right to be you.

Do not let what others think of you define you! You know yourself better than anyone else. Always be you.

There is no one like you in the whole wide world. Be true to yourself.

Family past times, and togetherness.

Coloring is a fun family activity for the kids and I. This is one way we spend time together, and bond.

I love the new coloring books that came out about 10 years ago, that are for adults.

What fun activities do you do with your family?





Benefits of reading for Adults.

  • Alzheimer’s prevention- Using your brain prevents Alzheimer’s. The brain can deteriorate if not used actively. The term use it or lose it applies here. You brain is a muscle and need to work out.
  • Increases vocabulary and comprehension. Which in turn can increase your self esteem and confidence. Also help you be a better public speaker. You can better communicate in life, which is a great life skill to have.
  • Have more interesting conversations.
  • It prevents memory loss, according to studies.
  • It is relaxing. Calms your busy mind, and redirects your mind to another place.
  • Helps you be more empathetic. Also you can “read” people better.
  • Keeps your mind focused, and alert. Hence, helps you focus better. Increases mental stimulation, which prevents Alzheimer’s as mentioned before.
  • Prevents depression. You can escape reality and go to another reality.
  • Can help you sleep at night. It is better to read before bed, than it is to look at a blue screen. The computer screen keeps your mind awake at night.
  • Increase in knowledge. No one can take knowledge from you. You can apply your knowledge in real life. You never know when it will help you.
  • Helps you have a more critical mind, and make better decisions. Helps you be more analytical and think better.
  • Helps you write better! Yay for us bloggers!
  • It is free entertainment, if you go to the library.

I can’t believe it is almost 2020!

Makes me feel old.

I do not do New Years resolutions, because now that I am older, I know that you never know what life will bring you, and how you will react and what you will do as a result. Life is very unpredictable sometimes.

Then again, a lot of things in my life are the same all the time.

I’ve had the same job, for seven years, do the same thing everyday for 12 years, because I have had the same career path for 12 years, and at the same time, I take care of people, and you never know what the day will bring.

I’ve been married with the same man for almost 16 years. Our relationship is solid and constant. It is a blessing.

So I don’t do resolutions. I want to lose weight, but I am surrounded by junk food all the time at work. I know I really like to eat. I would like to have more control.

I would like more time with my kids. I cut my hours, so I do have more time with them, but they are teenagers and want to listen to music all the time! I find myself talking to them when they are listening to music, and I am talking to myself.

I want to be out of debt, but my husband and I are enrolled in a debt program so we are actually going to be out of debt soon.

So I am not doing resolutions. I guess I am just a realist. I want to take everything one day at a time, to be able to deal with what’s going on realistically.

There won’t be any change without motivation, and action. Also looking at the root cause of what you want to change about yourself.

Everything has a reason, cause and effect. It takes time to work on this. I just can’t come up with unrealistic goals, without a ton of reflection and steps to change.

My life is pretty good as is. If there’s something to change, I will work on it, one step at a time, and not work on a ton of things at once. It doesn’t seem realistic, it seems like false hope.

Changing takes work and time. Some things you cannot change overnight or even within a year.

These are just my thoughts.

New Years is fun to celebrate though!

I’m glad I have it off, because I usually work Holidays, since I work in health care.

National Crisis Hotlines. Share this out and help other’s and possibly save a life.

According to statistics, the Holidays are when depression is most common. Share this out.

For Suicide:

Suicide Hotline 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-827-7571

Deaf Hotline 1-800-799-4TTY

Domestic violence: 

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE 

National Domestic Violence Hotline Spanish 1-800-942-6908

Battered Women and their Children 1-800-603-HELP

Sexual Abuse:

National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Child Abuse:

National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (422-4453)

Missing Children and runaways etc.

Exploitation of Children 1-800-843-5678

Children in immediate danger 1-800-THE-LOST

Missing Children Help Center 1-800-872-5437

Runaways, Homeless, and At-Risk Youth National Runaway Safeline Call 1-800-786-2929

United States Missing Children Hotline 1-800-235-3535

Teen Crisis:

Youth Crisis Hotline 1-800-448-4663

Eating Disorders:

Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention 1-800-931-2237

Eating Disorders Center 1-888-236-1188

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders 1-847-831-3438


GriefShare 1-800-395-5755


Homeless 1-800-231-6946


Helpline: 1-800-398-GAYS

Gay and Lesbian National Hotline 1-888-843-4564

Pregnancy Hotline:

Crisis Pregnancy Hotline Number 1-800-67-BABY-6


Alcohol Treatment Referral Hotline (24 hours) 1-800-252-6465

Drug Abuse National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

National Association for Children of Alcoholics 1-888-554-2627

Substance Abuse and mental Health 1-800-662-4357

Self abuse:

S.A.F.E. (Self Abuse Finally Ends) 1-800-DONT-CUT

Any Crisis:

United Way Crisis Helpline 1-800-233-HELP